yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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