Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
