i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
