Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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