Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
