Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
