M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
