Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
