I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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