can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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