I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
