There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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