the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
