i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize