We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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