Umm I'm too high to move.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
