the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
