i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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