I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
