Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
