Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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