when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Randomize
