Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
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