Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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