booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
