i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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