So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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