You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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