I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
