dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize