when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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