Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
