I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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