he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
