I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
