He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
