maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
