we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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