Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
