Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
