we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
