my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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