omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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