Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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