I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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