woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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