Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
