I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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