Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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