it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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