I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
