I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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