The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
