How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
