i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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