Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
