She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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