The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
