I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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