her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
