I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
