and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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