turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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