Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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