If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
