Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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