It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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