oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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